For Those Nights

For those nights (and days, like today), or weeks, or months, or the overarching feeling of a year or years, where all I want to do is lay on the floor in my wedding dress, with a horrendously heaping bowl of ice cream next to me, with only the best rom-coms on repeat, I hope that I keep verses like this in mind:



Your call

“2. You’re going to land your first full-time job and realize just how much your life is tied up in what you do to make a living. This is going to radically change the way you look at everything, whether it’s for better or for worse” (Thought Catalog).

When I read this tidbit this morning, I recalled a piece of text from Francis Chan’s “Crazy Love”, which I would strongly encourage anyone to read, especially those struggling with love related issues, or love in general.

The part in “Crazy Love”, would be this line right here:

“Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different from you. That epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort.

But God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through” (Chan, pg. 124).

I want to strive to live as uncomfortably as possible. I want God to work with me and and through me, and in every way possible I want Him to bring me closer to His will and His love, and all that He is. My career path has always been unclear, but what I have wanted more than anything this past year is to grow closer to Christ, and for my whole life to emulate that journey and all that it entails.

A friend I reconnected with this summer showed his love for Christ with his actions. As I read these lines in the book again this morning, I couldn’t help but think of how much he needed to trust God with his finances, future, and anxiety. He found an internship with the church, despite being hurt and abandoned through a similar role with a previous church. I never really noticed how much faith that must have took to accept the position. I know that it may have been his best bet, and maybe it was the easiest option at the time, but it doesn’t seem that way to me.

He expressed some of his anxiety to me about not knowing if the internship would turn into a job at the end of the summer, but we both figured it would turn out just fine. For a man, (I believe the feeling would be more so than for a woman), to not have the luxury of job security would create a sinking feeling. I cannot begin to imagine the stress and hopelessness he may be feeling right now, and has been feeling for weeks. Yet he continues to serve God every day. I am grateful to him and the way he shows his love for Christ through his life, yet continues to not draw attention to it. Thank you for bringing me closer to God this summer.

This being said: having a career is not my ultimate goal. Although, if I chose to have a career of any sort (which I will need to do in less than a year), I hope to always choose service.

Another part of “Crazy Love” that I found to be relevant to this idea of what I want to do with the rest of my “wild and precious life” (tidbit of gorgeous quote courtesy of Mary Oliver), was this: “True faith is loving a person after he has hurt you. True love makes you stand out” (pg. 130).

As I read these words for the first time I teared up and thought that maybe my gift from God, or at least one of them, is loving others unconditionally, or near to it. I know that love is something I have always been in awe of, which most are, but my awe seems to be somewhere else entirely than the rest of humanity at times. I’m not sure how to describe it, but I can tell that my feelings and being is entirely different from others when it comes to love. I love love, and when I read these two sentences I could not help but relate to them.

I don’t intend this to be narcissistic in any way, but it is just to put thoughts out on (theoretical?) paper.

I have faith that Jesus had intentions when I fell in love with a boy before I fell in love with Him.

I have faith that Jesus took my sins and made them an experience for others to hear and learn from, and possibly apply to their own lives.

I have faith that love will find a way to me, and that it always does, every day, when I do not even realize it.

I have faith that the love that grew inside of me this summer will stir up new experiences and wondrous plans will outpour from that love.

I have faith that Jesus will back me up, and that His love will never fail me, even as I fail here on earth.

I have faith in love and have faith that war can create love in its aftermath.

Romans 8:13 says this, “for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live”.

I am so in love with this God and all that He has in store for me.

I know that this love will grow and flourish, and my only hope is that I attract those who want to work for the common good, so they walk alongside Jesus with me. I want to attract the broken and poor alike and help others find their way back. I want so much more than what I have been living.

I’m not sure where to start or where it will finish, but I have faith that He will make the path as I walk it. Thank you Jesus. For all that is and will be to come.


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