love is…

  1. Once upon a time my now ex fiancé quoted the adored verse of Corinthians 13:4-8, which is ironic on so many levels.

I won’t bore you all (probably just my mom… The only one who reads these posts. Thanks mom) with the details on the multiple ironic statements, so I’ll keep it short and sweet: that love failed me. It failed me in so many instances and broke me apart. I would tell myself that I wasn’t breaking, only to realize a year later that the pain I went through because of that breakup, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to endure in life.

He claimed to love me with a patient love, but that made no sense to me when the love was gone one morning.

Because he used that verse, the verse became tainted once he ended things.

I hadn’t realized it had been ruined until one night I rolled my eyes at the words. I rolled my eyes at God’s word.

This is when I should have known that that love was not the love I needed or should have ever chased after, if it was love at all.

Now I wonder if maybe God intended me to read that verse again, but place love as more than a verb, but as His own descrition. I wonder if I should have been reading it as if all of the statements of love were soley meant for Him. He is patient, He is kind, and He does not boast. Earthly love will ruin you if you place all of your hope and expectations in it. I wish I would have been able to tell myself that when I was 18 and falling in love with a man incapable of loving me the way I needed.

I’d like to pray that my love becomes patient. I have become so impatient when it comes to finding love. Perhaps all God wants is for me to love Him, and His people, but not a certain person for the rest of my life. I’d love to just love Him, and to be content with that being all of my love, with no room for a partner.


Say you’ll remember me

This is for that boy that I spent most of my summer with.

The boy that nearly stole my heart more than once in this lifetime, beginning in high school.

I miss you, but you may as well not be missing me

Wish it didn’t hurt me this much, again, like I told you it would.

You didn’t believe me, but I know myself better than you may ever know me.

I’ve given you more than a couple of chances, not sure why I allow myself to fall in this deep

If only you had told me before summer ended that this would happen

I could have let you go sooner

If only you had let me

If only I had allowed myself to follow my instincts

Remember me, or don’t

Maybe we are better off an untold, unfinished story

I was extremely enchanted to meet you so many years ago, and to have known you through your beautiful transitions

I will always be enchanted with that portion of my life

What a wondrous story it would have been to tell

a soft poem for him (d.f.r.e.)

If I could miss you forever I would, Dell.

I made you your birthday present just last week, but now here I am wondering if I should even send it.

Would you even care how much I could care for you.

How much I do already.

I wonder all the time if people, or rather a certain person, misses me as much as I miss and crave them.

I sit here not so patiently, wondering if you will ever love me the way that I know I will soon love you.

I just guess that we will be together soon, but I wonder if you would ever want the same for us too.

I want the best for you, and hope you want what’s best for you too.

You and I could work together at this life, and make it that much more beautiful just by simply being together;

Creating a force to be pondered by others

People will begin to wonder as I once did

No one would catch up to us

Our love would be plenty

A portion so great and bountiful

We could honestly be honest

and that would be enough